Making a left turn on a long stretch of road in pursuit of late night tacos, my really good friend turns to me and asks laughably asks me “Man how old are you really?” It’s not a question that I’m unfamiliar with but it made me stop and ponder a bit. The reason why is because, per the usual, my choice in driving music. We were in the intro of Frankie Beverly & Maze “I Want To Feel I’m Wanted” and it struck her by surprise with her being a couple years older than me. Of course I reminded her of my age but not why this song had grown to be so important to me over the past few months.
On a really light note, shortly after rediscovering the song, I happened across it in the background of a video of Craig Munson and Danny Trejo (super odd pair) amongst a few others working out on muscle beach. I had grown very fond of learning as much as possible about Mr. Munson just from seeing the pictures of him and how just naturally gifted he was in the sport of bodybuilding, and surprisingly he never got as far as he should’ve but that’s another story. While watching this particular video, I noticed that he’s doing all of this amazing shit working out to Frankie Beverly and Maze. Blew my little mind because i’m like HOW? But then again, they didn’t have Icewear Vezzo to listen to back then so it kinda makes sense. And also to see a young, but old, Danny Trejo working out was mind blowing to me because much like Morgan Freeman, this man has looked the same age for all my 36 years of life.
But on the heavier note, the reason why I’ve just been so drawn to this song in particular is just the inherent need to NOT be needed. I’m a highly responsible man and I do the things, right? I love to even. It brings me much fulfillment, but i’ve had to keep a collar on that dog because I’ll get too absorbed in purpose and neglect my own wants and needs, which isn’t a safe place to operate from. So upon removing myself from the largest space of “needing” to work hard on cars instead of “wanting” to work hard on cars, I started to take an objective look at all of the spaces I was occupying that felt like responsibility that shouldn’t necessarily have. Places where I had to wear multiple hats and continue to do the things instead of just enjoying the time and the space. I’ve grown to understand a major thing about myself as of late, that I LOVE to only be responsible for myself and I even enjoy not being responsible for ME sometimes. So I can understand how when others are in my presence, they tend to lean in and forget how to do anything because I will.
My kids need me.
My family needs me.
My people need me.
BUT anything outside of that, and even in the spaces inside of that, it’s more important for me to feel wanted than to feel needed at times. Being wanted makes you feel like a joy to be around, being needed makes you feel like you’re around out of convenience. Tolerated almost. Giving more value to the things you can do instead of the things that make you, “you”.