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I Should Have Cheated...and Did (I)

So I know you're thinking "what in the entire Keyshia Cole does this man have going on" - it's what you think it is, but I wanted to color an often colorless situation. Perspective is usually lost and it's black and white, if you did you did and you're dead ass wrong -OR- if you didn't you didn't and you're still dead ass wrong. I hope to bridge the gap here for you with a story, where you'll at least say "I aint saying he was right, but I understand". And also, by no means am I justifying my actions or saying it's ok to do so, i'm just a special kinda retard that actually tries to understand the "why" behind some of the things I choose to indulge in. Do NOT read this thinking it's ok to do the same in your relationship, especially not your marriage, becuase if you call and ask me for advice i'll hit you with a "damn that's crazy". Fair? Let's continue.

So in all of my relationships up until a certain point, I never cheated, may have considered it but never went any further than with a conversation, and in manspeak that means nothing because there was no penetration. I know in woman speak, if you had a conversation or even remotely thought about it, you cheated. Tomato / Potato. The closest I first came to it was “hanging out“ with a girl that was interested in me and I was equally interested in her while I was in a committed relationship. In my defense here, she was a huge come up from what i was already with in my mind. I have the heartbreak scars to prove it.

My second closest encounter set the stage for it actually happening. I was living in Houston, TX going to automotive school at UTI in the collision program. When I moved initially, I was “dating” a woman that was married with a family and said she was leaving him…. Yes, I know...I know. So after that fizzled out, I ended up hooking up with my first girlfriend ever from 7th grade. We were always cycling in and out but in this space we were cycling in heavy. The long distance thing was fine with me because my entire focus was dedicated to my training program and work, I was entirely too poor to engage in the secks aside from when she was hand delivering those buns from Georgia. We did that for a while until it just didn’t make sense, but shortly before I ended up connecting with a young lady that I met from working at the Tire and Lube section at Walmart. I worked with a guy, who was married, that I KNOW spent more time running down on chicks than he did changing oil and his whole premise for doing so was to keep the sword sharp. Makes sense to me. So I took his advice and ran down on this pleasant young lady who voluntarily gave me her number. We talked a bit and she was very interested in me but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, so I tossed her to my friend at the time who vehemently thanked me later based on her performance. Somewhere in this he planted the seed of “ain’t no way I would’ve passed on her, because how your ol’ lady gonna know you way tf out here and she way tf out there” - he was right. I couldn’t deny that at all. How would she know? Hold that thought.

I graduate my program and move back to Georgia for a bit until I find out what my next move is going to be. Somewhere shortly before the move back, my girlfriend and I at the time agreed to go our separate ways for what reason I have no idea other than just “differences” (we weren’t very good communicators when it came to actual issues) - I move back home and meet my next girlfriend through the advice of my brother. He told me there was a girl that worked at autozone that was the one and I needed to go get here when I came home. He was right. We actually had a great relationship that had a beautiful friendship at the very core of it. We were always looking for something to do together and would religiously get together to watch Bad Girls Club every Tuesday at 10pm. Only problem is, she came in the relationship on some goofy shit. Her phone was always going off at 12,1,2 in the morning (I later found out why) and she had a lil pesky STD problem ain’t nobody know nothing about, well she did and the guy with the hot wing that gave it to her but not me. So being the good nigga that I am, I loved her through all of that and finally got the call to join the ranks for the BMW program. Only problem was it was in New Jersey. We didn’t plan for that.

The move was a really hard blow to our relationship as she was already trying to heal from her father parting ways with the family recently, and they had a close relationship. So naturally when he left, she leaned into me as I was the next closest thing. So of course it triggered her abandonment issues when I had to move away for 8 months to New Jersey. I was aware of what I was getting myself into as far as long distance relationships and I gave her the option to opt out if need be. I know for it to work for me, I just needed a few minutes at the end of the day to talk to my friend about my day. I’d be focused on my training program and going to work so I wouldn’t have the time or the resources to be entertaining “le‘ hos”, also I was poor. Hold this thought too.

So I moved, and it fucking sucked because for the first week or so there she completely ignored me, Mind you I JUST moved to Newark (car jacking capital of the world at the time) and I knew nothing and no one, and she abandoned me. Another severe blow that this good black man endured in the name of love and wholesomeness (i’m building my case here). I think I moved around May 15th and she came up for my birthday around July 28th, so for that time period I was just out there, in the world, by my lonesome. This is also pre-FaceTime, so it was just sending pictures when available and what not. I transferred my job from Wal-Mart in Milledgeville to Wal-Mart in Union, NJ which was super different because it wasn’t a super WM and they had no tire and lube section. During my transfer the HR coordinator at the time liked me so much she just threw me in customer service because she appreciated my southern charm being from Virginia herself. My charming self, in customer service, at the front of the store, in this totally new world. Ha.

I met a LOT of people during that time, naturally because I was the new nigga from Atlanta (no matter where you say you from, you’re from Atlanta everywhere else). One of these people wanted to take me on a tour of the city, which was cool, but she was a girl, and fine, and a go go dancer…which I didn’t know meant stripper, and umm she was a whore too, and by whore too I mean also, not in addition to…I hadn’t hit my ho phase yet. I was warned about her and kept my distance because BMDC (black men don’t cheat), but she made for a good tour guide and that was that. But there was one that stood out, she was really cute, worked in customer service too, and always had on buttas but she worked 6:30am-3:30pm and I worked 3:30pm until 10pm. So we’d always see each other in passing, at the same point, and then one Saturday morning they tossed us on the same shift and it was downhill from there.

We became pretty close over time and she’d bring me Boston market and clean my apartment for no apparent reason other than just having something to do. I don’t know if you’ve had Boston market, but when you haven’t had a home cooked meal in months that shit begins to taste like thanksgiving dinner. She also understood that BMDC and she was getting nowhere with me, then somewhere my foundation started to crack. I started looking at her a little differently when I realized my relationship was falling apart. My super simple request of “be available at the end of the day to talk for 10-15 minutes” kept getting overlooked for the “oh I was sleep” and “I was busy” and so on…again, yes I know. This cycle continued on until sometime in September or October, I went back home to Milledgeville and came back even more determined to be faithful, because me and my girlfriend were back on track, or so I thought.

Go to the next installment my dear nosey ass reader since you want to keep minding my business 😂.

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