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I Should Have Cheated….And Did (II)


All jokes aside, I appreciate you for following through to get the next installment. Before moving forward, I want to remind you that I had NOT cheated up until this point, I so hadn’t sullied my reputation within the BMDC organization. I’ll remind you also, this isn’t me justifying my “why”, wrong is wrong and if I felt the need to do so I should’ve left the relationship, this is me simply providing color to a black and white picture.

Back to the story, so I want to say it was sometime in September. Me and my newfound New Jersey girlfriend were hanging out and supposed to take the train into New York since I lived really close to the train station (I lived in Newark, NJ ON MLK….let that settle first). We bought tickets and all that to actually go but something happened and we just didn‘t. We walked to the train station and realized we either didn’t want to go or had missed the train, and went back to my apartment to find that the power was out. Somewhere in between her going to the bathroom and me leaving the bathroom (it was a studio so there was a narrow hallway that served as my closet to get to the bathroom) we connected. I think there was vague conversation about my clothes but we kept getting closer, we ended up kissing which was simple enough except “the unit” had other plans.

Something my women readers may not know, when we “bin wonted u” we will do this thing where we get close to you and press that lumber into your side/pelvis/back and let you make the decision of whether or not you want to extend the green light to proceed, at least that’s what I do anyway. This is exactly what I did, she gave the green light and that was that, the buns were brown 🍞 after that (they were done). That was it, I cheated completely for the first time, and guess what? I completely felt like shit. My good standing with the BMDC committee was ruined forever. Also, that’s all a lie. I didn’t feel bad at all, and my first thought was “how she gonna know and I’m way up here in New Jersey and she’s way down there in Atlanta“. So it continued with regular form. So as my Atlanta girlfriend was becoming more and more distant, and sLeEpY, my New Jersey girlfriend was stepping and filling in the large blanks left behind. For color, yes she was aware that I was in a relationship, that mattered not.

There are two more events that I need to connect the dots on, when SHE got caught and when I got caught.

My graduation date from my program with BMW in NJ was 12/15 (which oddly enough I just realized is my first son’s birthday also) and my mom called me the morning of 12/16 with something to tell me. Long story short, my “girlfriend” at the time was living her best life back home and making a fool of me, publicly and my family didn’t want to distract me with the information so they waited until the day after I graduated my program to tell me. Great right? So somewhere in the firestorm of words I was having with her on the phone expressing my disappointment, my NJ girlfriend showed up and came into my apartment quietly and sat. I finished my tirade on the phone and explained to her what had happened. You know what she said to me? Of course you don’t because I haven’t told you. She looked me right in the windows to my soul and said “I know what we’re doing is wrong but she’s REALLY fucked up for treating you like that”. I never understood why that was such a heavy statement at the time and still don’t, but it was and it sticks with me to this day.

Moving right along (literally), I got the opportunity to take part in a pilot program for level 2 training in South Carolina. So shortly after graduating I moved to SC, leaving my life and my girlfriend behind with half empty promises to return back at some point (still haven’t been, she’s now gotten married and so on, although I did see her once when she came to Atlanta some years later). In this move though, she left me with plenty of letters and also her lingerie collection (?) with the understanding that she wasn’t wearing it for anyone else BUT me so I should keep it.

I came home after my move and decided to reconnect with my ex at the time, she came by and looked horrible actually. She didn’t look like herself, like she lost her spirit and the body just stayed behind. She didn’t even “feel” the same. I actually felt bad for her, because I’m a simp. Yes. I know. In our reconnection, she planned a weekend to come up to SC and spend it with me. Great, cool, we’re on the path to reconciliation. In preparation for this visit, I swept my apartment. And not in the swept the floor sense, more like how a tactical soldier sweeps a room. I was looking for ANYTHING that could have gotten me jammed up and was preparing to throw it out before work. So I collected all the letters, the lingerie, and a bear she gave me and put it on my kitchen counter so I could grab it right before I headed out the door on my way to work my shift as customer service manager at Walmart. There was only one teensy weensy widdle problem.


I got jammed up.

Next post. 😳


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