Firstly, let’s start with a warm welcome and an imaginary sound of a cork going off from a bottle of Veuve Clicquot (still rather unsure if I ever say it properly). This is my first blog post of what i’m sure will be many. I’ve always believed I had a way with words, but i’ve never been much of a writer. I’m more of a “I say some smooth shit on the fly” kinda guy, and I always end up wishing I wrote that down for future use...and of course I never do. So in some attempt to document the thoughts and test my audience, I would regularly turn to Faybook for outward expression. It worked well, but I’ve always wanted more.
This is the more...
So my general direction, or where I hope to go with this anyway, is offering a very transparent and open look into the mind of Mr. Dean. That sounded corny, let’s try that again. An introspective view into the mind of a 34 year old, Blackity Black, Father of 4, with valuation issues and a phenomenal beard, along with a few whopping stories on how I got here. My therapist told me I can be very “cerebral”, so let’s just see how far down this rabbit hole we can get. Fair? Hopefully amongst these writings, as they’ll serve more of a purpose as my own therapy than yours, my audience can take away some different outlook or piece of knowledge to be used in your own journey.
I’d like to create something of a pattern, where I post a picture and explain it far beyond what you can see in the image that’s captured. Starting with this picture. I was somewhere in North Carolina at a well hidden park on a hike with Tiffany (Y’all will get to know her as time goes on) and handed her the camera and told her to shoot. Truth be told, she’s a large part of the reason I got into photography. I actually bought HER a camera years before I bought my own. She also used to send me nu...pictures that were so tastefully done that it made me appreciate the beauty of a woman far beyond whats readily seen.
Back to the point, so there I sat, in my attempt to channel my inner “Idris Elba” or whatever, and I thought to myself just how wild life has been for me over the past few months. See, I had only been out of Peachford (mental health facility) for maybe a week or two when this picture was taken and still barely had a hold on my life or what I thought it should be. Somewhere in all of this roller coaster ride I realized that I had been to this particular spot to decompress so many times, and with a few other people, and I never took Tiffany. I’ve known her for 8 years and we’ve barely been walking let alone hiking, and that’s one of the few and very simple things she’s asked of me. What a dick right? So this was somewhat of a turning over another, yes another, new leaf in my newfound direction of open appreciation for a woman that has offered me so much in the path of my life. I mean shit, she gave me 2 whole kids, the least I could do is go hiking right? I’ll toss in there that one of those two kids is a complete and total asshole.
Which now brings me here, the swings. The funny thing about childhood is that when you become an adult, everything points to you forgetting what made you happy as a child BUT 90% of all your issues are deeply rooted in some childhood shit that you went through and probably never really addressed. That is what is was for me at least and if it wasn’t the case in your life, kindly remember this blog is about me so put these size 11 handcrafted boots back on. Somewhere in getting on the swings and watching the sheer amount of joy come across her face, I realized that life is just so much more simpler when we really just tap into those childhood things that made us ridiculously happy. That’s where true joy exists. As adults, we find a multitude of reasons to be pissed off, or distracted, or just downright hopeless as we meander through the show of life. That’s kinda how its designed to operate. You’re not supposed to be happy. Think differently? Watch the news. Get on social media. Pick up a paper. The more distracted you are, the more disconnected you are. The only times we really feel connected to reality is when we do ”the things”. Like going to a park way in the middle of east bumblefuck and getting on the swings and seeing how high you can go. Just like the child inside all of us would love to get a chance to do just one more time, you owe it to yourself - I know I owe it to Danovan.
Heels up kids...-Peace